Lina Lacides

I’m the first child in the family. I always played with my two brothers as a child because my sister is a few years younger. All my uncles have many boys as well. So when I was on holiday from school I spent my time with boys. Everything a boy was doing, I was doing. Playing football, competing for everything, challenging a game, I was in there. Fighting, I was number one in there as well! Competitions with motorbikes, bicycles. Basically I grew up like a little boy. Even when I went to the seaside I was doing some jet skiing and competing with my friends. I was – I am – a very active person naturally.

I’m happy to remember this. Speaking helps to pull the memory back.

By growing up with boys you develop a very strong attitude. When I was a young girl, my cousin the same age as me tried to tell me “go to sit down there”, you know – treat me like nothing because I was a girl. And from then on I said “no, nobody can treat me like this. I won’t allow somebody to tell me what to do and when to do it.” I grew up with a leader attitude.

I was very young when my parents separated, maybe two years old. Sometimes there’s pain in life unfortunately. People get married and don’t get along, so for the wellbeing of the child it’s better to separate than stay there, try, and put the child into any difficulty to understand what’s going on. After, we were with my mum and she was mum and dad for us. Later she married again so I had a stepfather who was a very caring, agreeable person.

My mum used to work in social security in Guadeloupe. She had an important position there. She was a very active lady, very busy all the time.

She was everything to us. Something that was very important to me is that if I did something naughty she wouldn’t let anyone touch me. She would say, “I’m her mum. If she does something wrong, come to me and I’ll deal with her.” She would talk to me directly and teach me what was right and wrong. She encouraged me to do what I wanted to do, with guidance of course. She helped me to be myself, to develop my own personality.

My mum would dress very elegantly, with everything matching: bag, shoes. She drove a beautiful car. She was a very glamorous lady. Because I was a tomboy, people would ask me “is that your mum? Are you sure?”

When I was a teenager, I wanted to work as an airport receptionist. I went to Paris to study hospitality when I was nineteen, twenty years old. I had all my friends there from Guadaloupe. Some were learning architecture, medicine. I was with them at all times: partying, having fun, being a young girl. It was a nice time. When you are a teenager you want to explore so many things and when you’re alone, without mum and dad next to you, you want to take responsibility and show you’re able to manage on your own. I think I did quite well.

I had my own studio apartment and every weekend I would go to my friend’s so as not to feel lonely. If we were going to party, all of us would meet at my friend’s house and take it from there. We used to go to nightclubs and dance to zouk – Caribbean music – and the next morning we would go to work or to uni. It was really funny and silly. I think it’s normal, it’s a part of growing up.

I remember one thing which still makes me laugh so much. Me and my friend – she’s now a big architect in Cameroon – we woke up the next day after a party, hungover, very hungry, and there was nothing in the fridge! I had spent the money I had for food and bills on going to party. We had to eat rice and onions, or a bit of pasta with garlic.

I met Neville in London. He observed me, you know, and liked the way I was at this time and he decided to speak to me. We were partners in life and in business. He was – he is until now – very quiet, very friendly and calm. That’s what I need in my life because I am very fast! He always encouraged me to do what I wanted to do. With him, I always had big projects. He was very positive next to me.

I was still learning the language. When I first came to England, I thought ‘I will never ever be able to speak English’. I knew how to say ‘my name is…’, my age, basic stuff like this. But after maybe two years I started to speak better. I realise I still make mistakes when I speak, but I go by. I went to college as well to get my diploma in hairdressing and beauty. It was important for me to do this because my plan was always to open my own beauty centre. Even now, I still hope to make it happen and I believe one day I will.

I was very busy – I’ve always been very busy. I can’t sit down doing nothing, it’s almost impossible!

I had good people around me. My family and friends flew from Paris and Guadeloupe to be by my side. My uncle Jack spoke to me about the past to help me to refresh my brain and try to remember. Jada’s dad tried to review things for me. He would speak, sing for me. The relationship wasn’t working, we couldn’t understand each other, but he was there for me through all this challenge. He came almost every day. It was very difficult for him to become mum and dad overnight.

The worst thing was that I could not remember our three-year-old, Jada. I began to remember Crystal because she was the first one and so my brain had had more time to know her. I would ask for Crystal. It was very hard for Jada – how come my mum doesn’t know me? She believed I didn’t love her. For a little girl, three years old, it’s too much to go through this. As I started to improve, my brain began to know her again, but not deep like Crystal.

I was upset with the world. I was crying every day because, for me, I was nothing anymore. Nothing at all. Why did it happen to me? What had I done wrong, why? Because, for me, I had been doing nothing bad. I was going to open another business, so why has this happened to me? For me, when you try to do something positive you’re supposed to be blessed and carry on what you want to do.

I don’t want people to feel mercy for me. I have things for free, I take it; because I will not sleep in the street, I take it. But I never planned my life to become disabled – to have things for free.

I went with Headway to the Paralympics. For me it was something very beautiful to see disabled people doing some sporting activity, having confidence in themselves. The Olympics was beautiful but now they need to use it. I think the best way to help the project go forward is to have concerts there – to attract people to come and to make some money.

I want to be useful in life again. I volunteer at the Local Space youth project in Newham. I really like to do this; I want to help young people in Newham to progress. You have to go on the same level as them, to make them feel relaxed. I ask them what they want to do. “What will make you happy?” For instance, if they like music they can go to the centre in Stratford who will help them to choose if they want to play piano or guitar or sing. It’s good for young people to keep busy doing something – basketball, swimming, something they like, to avoid them being in the street.

Sometimes young people believe nobody likes them, nobody listens to them. People complain about young people’s behaviour but we need to open doors for them. We need to help them to gain confidence and become somebody tomorrow. Activities can’t be expensive or they won’t be able to do it; it needs to be free or a minimum of money. There are good activities for young people in Newham but unfortunately they always ask an amount of money some people can’t afford so it puts a stop in their life.

It’s difficult because they are growing up in a cold country. No seaside, no big fun for them – so we need to think about them, to help them grow up happy.

© Lina Lacides / Headway East London (2014). All rights reserved